First Trip to the Zoo!!!

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Originally uploaded by vanese

Tricia, cousin Jayda, Grandma, Grandpa and Mommy took a trip to the zoo back in March just in time for the Zoo's 150th Birthday Party!

We've been pretty busy these days...even though I'm working I always try to take tricia out during the weekends. We've been to different parks, toddler-friendly entertainment centers, zoo, birthday parties, easter egg hunt and hayride at a farm, church services, beach, atlantic city etc. Enjoying the weather as much as possible. Plan to go to Sesame Place, Storybookland, see the circus, and a few other things. Some stuff will just have to wait until she's a little older and has a longer attention span. But for the most part she's enjoying the outings and is pretty well-behaved out in public.

She's also walking and talking. Enjoying all the time she spends with her cousins. Being spoiled by her grandparents. Very strong-headed, always ready to explore and learn, not the least bit shy about what she wants. Love her more and more every day. Hate that I'm not working from home. But maybe one of these days. Atleast I dont have to put her in daycare right now.

tricia

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Originally uploaded by vanese

here`s my cutie pie. Tricia is doing great and growing so fast...i can hardly believe that she`s 5 months old already...rolling and grabbing and babbling like crazy.

so let`s see... i graduated from law school in may and just took the bar exam last week and i`m still trying to figure out how i could ever work all day without this little one by my side. i dont know how all these working moms do it...i guess it`s much easier once your child is in school already. lots of free time on my hands right now, well minus the time spent entertaining a 5 month old and playing housewife...dont plan to start working until atleast september so just enjoying the rest of the summer with my family. i did upload some more pictures on my flickr page and hope to write something more substantial one of these days.

Flickr

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

The delivery

After the shower i continued to go to school, trying to stick with the plan of delivery very close to the due date (just before springbreak). Then a few days later i started getting pretty tired of being pregnant and was just ready to have the baby asap (all the late night bathroom trips, awkward movements, baby sleeping in my rib cage was killing me). By the 39th week everyone kept asking me if i was having any contractions, did the baby "drop", what if the baby comes late...others were saying i should be at home resting not at school and definitely not driving. But I felt healthy and not too concerned about having contractions while driving. Then I started worrying about my baby being born on feb 29th. Then i kept asking my sisters and sister-in-law what will the contractions feel like, does your water really break like you see on tv, what`s the mucus plug look like?

It must`ve been all that shopping on friday because in the middle of the night like 330am the mucus plug came out and i was calling people (my mom, my doctor) thinking i was going into labor any second now. Apparently it`s still hard to predict when labor will start. Then just before midnight my water broke...just like on tv. my fiance kept asking me what to do and i turned the shower on and told him to get me something to wear...i definitely didnt tell him to call 911 but there i was still in the shower and i hear an ambulance (and my boyfriend telling me to get out of the shower because he thought the baby might drop out ;-). I ended up at the hospital with the most randomest outfit and no socks nor underwear because of him. I also ended up at a random hospital (northeastern) instead of jefferson because we didnt drive ourselves and the ambulance takes you to the closest maternity ward. i didnt start having any contractions until about 45 minutes later and they werent that bad and i could see them on the monitor and prepare myself for the big ones...by 5:30am though i didnt think i could take those big contractions anymore. i dealt with the iv, the cervix checking, the sensors put inside me to monitor the baby`s heart beat but when they said i was only 5 cm dilated and it might take 4-5hrs to get to 10cm i said i wanted an epidural. Of course it`s not like you`re instantly medicated i had to go through several more contractions before the epidural and i also had to get a cathether put inside me (which they did not tell me was necessary until after the epidural). The epidural worked but if only i had the hindsight to realize i would be ready to push in not 5hrs but in 1hr, I would not have gotten it. At 6:15am just before the epidural i was 5.5cm dilated and at 7:20 i told my mom i felt like i had to push. No one believed i jumped to 10cm that fast, 2 nurses checked to make sure...and then i was trying to "hold it in". They moved me to this delivery room and i started pushing around 8:05 (i kept my eyes on the clock and everywhere but below the whole labor/delivery) and when they said we can have this baby out in 2 pushes i was ready. 9 minutes later I heard her crying. Amazing. Truly amazing. My fiance cut the ambilical cord and she looked so big i couldnt believe she was inside of me for 40 weeks, and that i just pushed out a 19.5in long baby. My baby...6lbs 6oz Patricia Mackenzie. One week later and I`m still a little awe struck. I`m a mommy. Me.

Baby Shower

I was truly surprised when i ended up at a restaurant (tiffany`s on the blvd) one saturday back in february and there was my baby shower...every day prior to feb 16th i just knew my shower would be either at my mom`s or my aunt`s...i would pop over my mom`s house (coming from school or driving from home (yes i was still driving up until 2days before i gave birth, shopping at the new target with my sister). I`d complain to my sisters that they should start cleaning the house for my baby shower, tell them not to upset/stress my mom before my shower, and ask them when they were going food shopping for the shower. I felt pretty confident about the date of the shower and so when my brother suggested that we go out for a late lunch for his belated birthday i was trying to act like i didnt know he was just picking me up for the baby shower but when he kept calling giving me later pick-up times and then got lost coming to my house, i was almost ready to say "stop playing...you`re going to make me late for my own baby shower". He and his wife were still stalling when they finally picked me up and wanted to come inside and chat about planning for the baby and other baby stuff. When we got into the car my sister in law asked me where i wanted to eat and i said doesnt really matter i`m starving and she suggested tiffany`s and i said ok (what if i had said the olive garden?). As soon as she said tiffany`s, a light bulb went off in my head, i remembered a friend from school talking about my baby shower and about to give the details to another girl and i thought i heard her say tiffany but i assumed i heard wrong and in any case never would have guessed she meant a restaurant.

It was so much fun, so many people, so many gifts, so many laughs...i was really surprised by how much stuff we got for the baby: 4in1 crib (picked up later), bassinette, pack n play w/ bassinette and changing table, bouncers, swing, travel swing, bath tub, mobiles, diaper bags, lots of clothes, lots of blankets/bibs/, bath products, diapers, diaper organizer, wipe warmers, handmade baskets (filled with announcements, albums, frames, scrapbooks, baby books, clothes), cash, gift cards etc etc It was great! A few of my great aunts came and cousins that i had not seen in years...

Happy New Year!!!!

I forgot this blog even existed...what a year! So around late January I moved on and stopped crying over my horrible relationship with D, and started dating someone that I had chatted with casually for a few months before. Never thought I would end up in a relationship with him because he`s not my type at all...thought it would just be fun dating again. Funny how things turn out. Our relationship developed pretty quickly: I moved in with him in April and he proposed to me on Thanksgiving at my parent`s house. Never lived with anyone before and never been engaged. But wait there`s more: I`m 31wks pregnant.

I`ve always been pro-choice but I just couldnt go through with an abortion, didnt even tell my family until i was 4 months along. It was easy hiding it from people because I didnt really start showing until about a month ago, I didnt weigh that much before I got pregnant so my weight gain placed me at my normal weight, and I`ve always had a healthy appetite :). My middle sister is 37 weeks pregnant but my pregnancy has been so easy compared to hers (swollen ankles, feet, now on insulin for gestational diabetes, huge weight gain, skin discloration etc) I almost feel guilty. My only complaint is frequent trips to the bathroom at night.

The baby is due March 3rd. We dont know if it`s a girl or boy, but everyone seems stuck on it being a boy. I just started an online baby registry at walmart and burlington baby depot and I`m still coming up with more stuff I think I need or someone`s telling me I need. A little difficult not knowing the sex but we`ll find out in a few more weeks.

~1 year ago...

here i am trying to shorten my crim law outline and suddenly i realize that my mom was right, again. one of these days-not today-ill admit it. some friends new and old said the same thing, but i wasnt hearing it. ive been struggling a little (a lot) with this new relationship of mine and i couldnt figure out what was keeping me from moving forward. maybe i knew all along and was just afraid of saying it out loud. this sucks, not much i can really do about it now. just have to wait and see what happens. maybe ill get lucky for once and this thing will work itself out, even if it means starting all over again. im too lazy, lost my patience, i havent meditated in weeks, things shouldnt be this difficult...i dont think i want to try again. why am i writing in code all the time? what`s the point of writing this blog at all if only i can decipher it and will i even understand this weeks from now?

i moved last weekend. not into a 1br downtown or in chestnut hill like i planned to, but all the way up northeast, 5 miles from the bucks county line in this townhouse with my mom and sister. craziness. i might have to stay in west oak lane for finals next week unless i can leave at 6am...and i dont know what will happen next semester.

another blast from the past

this was i think by far the best summer i`ve ever had. no enlightening moments like in japan; it was just crazy, fun, embarrassing at times, but always unforgettable...i learned alot about intl law, italy, people in general, and myself.

I had a great birthday. no bachlorette party or night club or anything...just a long dinner party then barhopping...we (read i) was drunk before we even left the restaurant to go to any bar (italian white wine gets me everytime) and then people were buying me all kinds of birthday drinks. i was so wasted by the time we got to the 3rd bar that i ended up walking home with this blue-eyed boy and fooled around for about 3 hours...sike! hahaha. D`s more than enough for me ;) My roommate didnt have such a great birthday because of some stupid boy she has this crazy crush on so the next night we had a girls` night. also this was my roommate`s friend`s last night in rome...first dinner at this great restaurant across the street from the residence and lots of house wine and pasta and seafood. then to one of the apartments with A/C where i tried some hash and we just played cards, listened to music, male-bashed for a little while (not me), drank more wine, smoked more hash...then 2 of the girls went on this secret mission and left for a few hours and 2 boys crashed the party (i told them they werent invited a few hours before) but they were fun so we let them stay...one of them made us a bong thingy for the hash.


2 days later we (the good girls and i) left for venice...almost missed the train because one of the girls didnt bring her reservation number and had to wait in this long line about 15 minutes before the train was departing...2 of us were on the train 5 minutes til departure and the other 2 were in line; i remember calling saying we`re getting off the train and we`ll just take the next one. but they made it on the train just before it started to pull off. turns out all you had to do was tell the conductor your seat number and poof your name appears on her pda and she prints out a ticket for you. Venice was amazing...i wish we had stayed longer. our apartment on the outside looked really sketchy and we were all worried because of our not too nice island apartment 2 weeks before...the front entrance looked like it would just crumble at any moment...old exposed brick and not in a good way. but once we went upstairs and opened our door we were all very relieved to find a very modern, fully renovated apartment with pretty much everything but A/C. We were all having some problems with the skeleton key locking the bathroom door the first night, and then the next morning i woke up because i kept hearing this jiggling noise. and I.O. was locked inside the bathroom. finally got her out after about an hour (maybe it was closer to a half hour, but it was still long, cause i took a couple of breaks to let the 2 other girls try to get her out). Didnt lock or shut the door after that.

And lots of other crazy adventures during those 6 weeks. Cant wait to go back!

another very old post from japan...

How silly I was for actually thinking I could do this job for 9 months! it`s been one very long (muted) scream of boredom...feeling like i`ve seriously wasted my time and talent being here. the research is challenging and full of buzzwords like nano, bio, and electronics but i just feel like i should be doing bigger and better things that are closer to my heart (i.e. public policy, community development, working on health and environmental issues etc). i`m just not passionate about working as a corporate engineer. I thought I could be because of the location and the new research but it just never happened for me. I love Japan, I love the food, traditions, religious ceremonies. I love being able to travel to places like koyasan, hokkaido, kyoto. practicing zazen and eating vegetarian meals with buddhist monks. soaking in mineral hotsprings in beautiful mountain inns in the middle of winter. i even have fond memories of several places in tokyo like the museum district in ueno and shopping in akihabara and harajuku. I am really glad that i was so fully immersed in the language and culture, and only played confused foreigner once or twice.

Culturally there are some isssues that can be quite annoying and frustrating at times: the largescale conformity whether its at work, school uniforms everywhere there`s even conformity in the recent trend of suicides (group suicides from charcoal stoves in cars or some man kills his entire family and then himself), the robotic nature of many of the salary workers and the mental health/anti-social issues that are not uncommon, the rudeness and obliviousness that comes from the crowds of people whether its in a museum, supermarket or on a train, missing chivalry i.e. people dont make a point to give up their seats for elderly or women or small children, so much environmental waste you should see how much plastic is used in these stores...pedestrians and foreign drivers beware of narrow japanese country roads and aggressive drivers; there are way too many perverts and gropers especially on the trains, and there is a large number of single men who spend huge amounts of money and time watching/reading anime, playing video games, and looking very autistic and anti-social; the general lack of privacy. Ok maybe i have mixed feelings about the people because ive had some amazing encounters with complete strangers and coworkers...overall Japan`s great, even better than the first time.

I just hate my job. I almost quit the first week in March; im still amazed that people actually volunteer to spend a very large portion of 40 years of their lives doing these types of jobs and the fact that most of my coworkers dont spend much time in the labs at all makes it even worse...i want to crawl into their heads, figure out what`s broken, and fix it for them-for free, in fact i`d feel like i was doing a public service and wouldnt hesitate to spend 40 years of my life just making sure that people dont spend theirs staring at a computer screen, making pantene #46, studying corrosion, or anything else ridiculously pointless in the grand scheme of things.

in other news i still havent figured out this whole platonic relationship thing. so i came to japan thinking im not going to play any games or flirt too much or try to be the cute, lost foreigner or anything like that. i`ll just be myself (and try not to look so sexy ;)I had a very weird, confusing summer as far as relationships with the oppposite sex and so i just wanted to keep things as simple as possible during my year here. But in my attempts to just be friendly (it`s hard not to be when you`re alone in a foreign country), eager to share and learn from as many people as possible, up for (almost) anything whether it be a town market-festival, a zazen retreat or karaoke and soba, trying to keep my nights and weekends full, i may have confused a few people here. My bad...Being around so many men all the time and living in this little city has spoiled me...way too much attention even for me. not only were people, even perfect strangers, buying me things all the time, never letting me pay for anything, some of these men have actually bought and made me gifts that they obviously put a lot of time, money, and thought into.

Anyway Ive never been so excited to write a final research paper...we`re having a farewell dinner party after work tonight and then i just need to finish clearing out my apartment. I`ll be in philly in 4 days. I can hardly believe it. winter was so dreadfully long, if i didnt know any better i`d think some extra weeks had been added just for me.

about 2 years ago...

i headed back to work monday morning after a very nice vacation (since the 27th)...it was so clear and serene and pleasant outside, i wondered if maybe i was mistakened and it was in fact sunday. seemed wrong to begin the dreaded 9-5 cycle on such a beautiful day...a day for the beach and bike riding and sketching and zazen and a long lunch followed by an afternoon nap and a good book and...instead i was inside labs all day, all week. i cant believe i fooled myself into taking this engineering job; I was ready to run after the first 3 months. maybe i can understood the people who actually spend a decent amount of time getting their hands dirty in the labs but ive never seen so many `deskworkers` who werent programmers or secretaries. i still dont know what half of my coworkers really do...do you need 3 or 4 section leaders to `lead` the other 10 people??? no wonder unemployment in japan is so low.

some of the guys at work, when they found out i would be leaving in june, asked if i could get an extension and atleast stay thru the summer...im flattered that people enjoy my company but ha! i hope i wasnt smiling too hard yesterday as i went over my last experimental plans with my boss. and if i was, hopefully it looked like one of those `i had such a wonderful time here and i really dont want to leave but dont worry ill be back (as a tourist)` smiles. i could really use a time machine right about now.

other news:
............
last week i discovered that i do know how to cook or rather i know how to read a box and follow a recipe and buy food for more than 2 days. plan to take it up a notch or 2 this summer using all those cookbooks i read thru without once taking out a pot.

............
horoscopes dont work very well when you`re thousands of miles away from friends and family, potential boyfriends, and office romances.

going on a zazen retreat up in the mountains this weekend...

~ a month before leaving japan

sometimes i wonder if i should just join a buddhist monastery or convent somewhere in the mountains and call it a day. or i wish there was some hidden, untouched tribe i could join and limit my contact with the outside world as much as possible. think walden pond or some little obscure village in the south pacific.

everything seems so wrong. i worry too much and sometimes i get this crazy idea that i have to save the world from just about everything...poverty, disease, environmental problems...i went on a zazen retreat this past weekend with 30 union workers from various research backgrounds...it was my second time spending the night in a temple although this one was on a famous buddhist pilgrimage route and was set up like it`s own little town spread out along the base of a mountain on the outskirts of a city southwest of here. i was so jealous of the monks.

my first overnight temple experience, in koyasan, was so brillantly simple and humble and serene and beautiful that i really didnt want to leave...probably the best rest i ever got (the vegetarian meals were amazing too). i probably wouldve been in a state of peace for the rest of the week, if not longer, but the indian ocean tsunami happened a day after i left western japan. if i had made plans ahead of time there`s a good chance i wouldve been spending my winterbreak in malaysia or india.

old

Lessons learned:

What happens in rome does not always stay in rome
2L`s have it so much easier than the 1L`s. 3L`s even better I hear
More time in between classes is not always a good thing
It`s hard living at home especially when you have 2 selfish sisters
It`s hard being angry at slacker sisters when babies are around
Do not waste time arguing with hot-tempered sister.
Do not live with family unless it`s for a very very good reason.
Do not live with family unless it`s absolutely necessary.
Pay attention when you`re standing near the tub with a cell phone in your hand
If you buy a crappy phone from ebay you can get a brand new replacement for 40 bucks from vrzon...
But do not send the crappy phone back to the ebay company
A working doorbell can save a lot of time and frustration for both you and the mailman
Saying "no" more often can relieve/prevent a lot of stress.
Pancake mixes are not created equal.
Neither is oatmeal.
No more microwaved food.
Ignorance really can be blissful.
Boys are stupid but once in a while they have their useful moments
Love makes you do some really crazy stuff
I`m not procrastinating...blogging is therapeutic ;-)