sleepless in boston still

So I haven't slept much this summer which also means that I've had a lot of time to just think about stuff (and to write these early morning/late at night blogs).

For the past week I've been constantly reminded of people that either I have no desire to think about ever again-out of guilt probably-or that I currently have a difficult, complicated relationship with. Either way I wasn't trying very hard to think about them right now just because I have a lot of other stuff on my mind. It's 3 people in particular. 2 of them it's seems almost natural that they'd be on my mind but the 3rd...I don't know if it means something, I'm just feeling guilty about hurting them, or if I'm just thinking too much about stuff that could apply to anyone but I keep getting these very clear connections to them. Little stuff to someone else probably but very obvious and surprising to me...3 different ones yesterday, and the day before it was a song that I hadn't heard in a good year or 2. I was at work when it played on this itunes radio station that I've never even listened to before. It completely caught me off guard but it was definitely a good memory. And even though I haven't really seen or heard from him in like 4 months now, I seriously thought about stopping by his house after work. To say what, I don't know, I probably would've just made things worse between us. I guess I have some unresolved issues with all of these people and I should just deal with them instead of trying, rather poorly, to ignore them.

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I've also been thinking alot about grad/law school after Japan. And I've decided I'd rather stay overseas in Asia or Europe, join the military, or get an engineering/consultant job in the U.S. maybe in Boston or in California somewhere. As much as I love to travel though, I'm starting to prefer the last option these days. I kinda want to just start my life in the real world and have a home and a real income and all that goes with it. And if after a year or 2 that doesn't do it for me then I'll go to grad school or back to Asia. I'm still young; I can change my mind before and during all of this.

The funny thing is I think everyone else wants this exotic life for me. They expect it because I've always gone after these unique, once-in-a-lifetime experiences. But honestly if I could be a housewife and write books while I'm barefoot and pregnant, even if only for a couple of years, I'd be really happy.
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