another home that isn't home

So I made it back, but I feel very homeless right now. I'm kinda staying in 2 houses: my mom's and my brother's. Clothes and stuff at both. I'm so out of place around here in these urban, all black, very young neighborhoods. I can count the number of non-black people (all white) that I've seen since Saturday night on 1 hand. Seriously. I saw them at the bank. Even though I've spent most of my life in these neighborhoods it's always a culture shock for me coming back here. And people seem to look at me as if I really am just visiting and not a native of philly. Maybe it's because I'm a bit young/eccentric/oblivious sometimes: on Sunday I was blowing bubbles and dancing on the porch with my little cousins (the 7 year old asked if i wanted to go play at her house since there are lots of 13 and 14 year olds on her street) and last night i walked back to my brother's house carrying my bear. Stuff like that draws attention (not the 15 yr olds with 2 kids), especially in his neighborhood because there are all these black men around my age who are wondering who i am and where i came from and is dave cheating on his fiancee :). Atleast at my mom's house most of the neighbors recognize me as senie's or dave's sister who was in college or, according to one neighbor, in the air force serving in iraq?!?. I'm always torn between wanting to get away as fast as possible and wanting to spearhead some community outreach programs- or atleast do some 1-on-1 mentoring. It's really sad seeing so many hopelessly poor black people, especially since most of them don't even think anything's wrong.

some unrelated rambling:

• i don't think i'll ever write another email unless i absolutely can not call instead.
• my family's hatin' on my hair: people keep asking me how i'm going to wear it for the wedding...trying to convince me to perm it.
• nowhere to swim around here so i'm getting a bike