one more january day

i have this weird feeling that ive been here before.

strange dreams filled with people i thought id forgotten already.

if i stare out into the pacific long enough, one of these days im sure ill see california...

i may as well have been sleep-walking through half of january.

twice i wanted to slowly walk out the lab, down the four flights of stairs, calmly switch my shoes for my sneaks, leave the building and then just run until i was nowhere. but too many people would notice the fleeing foreigner and too soon id be back on the hill again.

occassionally ill wake up momentarily confused about where i am as if i havent been waking up here for 4 months now. but maybe the confusion is justifiable. maybe this really isnt where im supposed to be waking up.

some days i look in the mirror and wonder is that really how i look and if so why doesnt it match how im feeling.

was last week really necessary?

at least there are sunny days.